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Rapture-triggered Email? (God help us!)

June 12, 2008

To be filed under U for




Erin on Decompressing Faith put me on to this staggeringly clever piece of money-making genius – the definitive, online document storage site with Rapture-triggered emailing service.

Yes! Tell me that you always wanted it. Apparently there are five designated individuals, (whose credentials are beyond reproach and who will definitely be on the glory train) who must log in daily to the site as evidence that the rapture hasn’t happened. If three of the five fail to log in for three days and then for three days more, the rapture-triggered email service will be, mmm, triggered I guess.

And here’s the reasoning:

We all have family and friends who have failed to receive the Good News of the Gospel.
The unsaved will be ‘left behind’ on earth to go through the “tribulation period” after the “Rapture”. You remember how, for a short time, after (9/11/01) people were open to spiritual things and answers. (We are still singing “God Bless America” at baseballs’ seventh inning stretch.) Imagine how taken back they will be by the millions of missing Christians and devastation at the rapture. They will know it was true and that they have blown it

So, put the four spiritual laws in an email and hey presto! they might still make it.

Evangelism from the Great Beyond.

Seriously for a minute. I think these guys are going to make a fortune – yes, mission ain’t free, it will cost you $40 a year, but that will reduce as more people subscribe.

Secondly, don’t you just wonder about an eschatology which says: ‘imagine how taken aback they will be by the millions of missing Christians and devastation at the rapture. They will know it was true and that they have blown it.’

In other words…Hey suckers! We won!

Some questions:

1. do they do a 3 months free introductory offer?
2. will I get my money back if I don’t get raptured and get no email?
3. would I be offended if I didn’t get raptured AND got an email from a friend who was?
4. can I BCC some people who expect to be raptured and who, if they’re not, would be embarrassed to be receiving an email and therefore to be seen in the company of the left behind?
5. what happens if they forget to renew their domain name?
6. can I get discount if I bring a friend and we both sign up and send emails to one another…just in case?
7. what happens if the designated five backslide?
8. is there post-rapture counselling available for the two of the five who continued to log in?
9. did the other three know this was going to happen and did they send them emails?

If my heart wasn’t about to be adjusted, I’d lose it.

From → Rant

  1. that is altogether disgusting…
    we need to create something similar…
    how about 2nd coming email…

    everyday a computer monitors sports scores, and if the cubs win the world series then it sends out millions of emails letting people the second coming is at hand….

  2. Interesting idea roger. Particularly in the light of Manchester United winning the Champions League on this side of the Atlantic, we therefore already know that the AntiChrist is alive and active in the world.

  3. I hope someone starts a similar company promising to contact the “left behind” three days following the rapture instead of the six days. The competition to be the first mass emailer post rapture would be great.

    This will probably start an entire post rapture messaging industry. Mass txt messaging, telemarketer calls, snail mail, the possibilities to contact the “left behind” are endless.

    Fear and guilt can sell anything.

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